I have died 1000 times
I have died 1000 times
It is not death I fear
I have shed a 1000 different skins, from different lives + different times
From each death I rose as death was simply a step in my becoming
So I have died + I will die and die again
Without the cycle of death, a new cannot begin
Past pages can’t be torn and a new history born.
When skeletons from the past keep you bound within their thorns
So death, I do not fear you I welcome your shedding skins
For even when I cease to breathe I know a new will begin
It is not death to fear my love
Instead allow a life without death’s doors to haunt you, without her you cannot be reborn.
Sleep well in the knowing that as your cycle begins with your first breath there will come a time when the cycle of your breathe with cease and this cycle will end.
See death as a reminder of the preciousness of life, of your ability to shed, the old and be born a new.
So do not be afraid to visit your moments of deep despair because it is from your darkest pain that your TRUE power will be regained.
I have visited death’s door many a time, I am not afraid of my shadow, I make love to my darker shades.
For I know without her my freedom and true power cannot be gained.
I commit to meeting her, to loving her in her my rage, feeling her in my sorrow, to holding her in her heartache or betrayal.
I surrender to death allowing her wisdom to be born.
Before arriving on Bali’s sacred lands, I thought my darkest of shadows had been met.
I had no idea my biggest purge was waiting for me.
I was bathing in toxins of my life’s pain, grief, sadness, abandonment, betrayal, heartbreak, abuse and my own self-imposed limitations and beliefs swirled together in a poisonous fusion.
They had bound me in place.
So cleverly disguised I could not see their face, while I would not see them they were infecting my every pour.
So it was upon these shores my detoxification would begin and I realised all deaths doors I previously visited had led me to where I am.
So we purged and purged and purged some more.
Within each death new layers were revealed, as I surrendered into her abyss there she stood buried deep within my being thy darkest door I now lay before.
Into her hallows I fell through the darkness of seemly unending pain, I fell into her heartache and her betrayal into generations and lineages of sacrifice and suppression breaking all the chains.
From my gutter I howled our heartache and within that, I died 10,000 more deaths.
It was from these 10,000 deaths that I was now ready to truly die.
As piece by piece, I visited each moment of heartache, shame and disappear which had been repressed by my fear.
I visited the moments my entire heart shattered into a million little pieces + I vowed I would never love again.
It was there I was bathed in the pain of motherhood the greatest of my heartaches.
As I lay, I surrendered to her, and within this, we died, 10,000 times more.
We visited the ghosts of my past allowing them all to die, each moment more painful than the last, and as I lay broken on the floor.
Each death was a funeral for what kept me sunken, and small.
With this we bid goodbye to the nice girl too affraid to speak, to claim her desires, each death was one of fear, of limitation and of suppression of what held me back.
Now we all died before me, as I lay there on the floor.
Within each death was a reclamation a return of what always lay within. From these waters, we rose embodied in our renewed power, the one that can only come from facing your darkest hour.
Beauty it is from this resurrection you will rise.
For to experience the fullness of your being, your love your power your creative force you must experience the darkest of your pain and make love to your shame.
The woman who who arose is truly alive within the pulse and expansion of life.
Committed to dying 10,000 more deaths in the service of her quest.
So do not fear your shadow, my love, embody your darkness and your pain, and in this, you transmute their stranglehold.
This act alchemises your pain and unlocks wisdom for you to gain.
Do this in the service of your freedom, for the reclamation of your power. For your life is yours, and yours alone don’t let others steal your thrown.
My love do not let the darkness of your darkest nights sour your golden hour.
My invitation for you this time my love is simple…..
What death will you face, and in your reclamation who will you become?